Sunday, November 25, 2012

Amazed When I Shouldn't Be

I was just reading from the Book of Acts and something struck me. 3:111-12 "As he clung to Peter and John, all the people hurried in amazement toward them in the portico... When Peter saw this, he addressed the people, "You Israelites, why are you amazed at this...".
Yesterday I was having a difficult struggle with my sexually impure mind. It was being overrun with pornographic images. I got up in the morning, got in the shower and went to pray. All throughout doing these things graphic images continued to flow through my mind. I stopped in the middle of praying because I was becoming very tempted to masturbate. I sat up on the bed and thought"look God there is no way I can handle this. If these images don't go out of my head I am not going to be able to resist the temptation" and they immediately stopped. Immediately! I was amazed.
Shortly after this experience, within a couple minutes, I wondered to myself "why am I amazed"? God has kept His word to me consistently. He has helped me through everything I have asked Him to help me through.  But it seems no matter how many times He comes through I am still shocked. Not that He keeps His word but just the idea of whats happening. That God...the creator is helping ME. Little old imperfect sinful me.
I made a commitment four weeks ago to live a sexually pure life to God. No more masturbation. No more objectifying people. No more porn or sex as entertainment.  I knew from the beginning I couldn't do this without His help and He hasn't let me down.
The temptation has grown stronger over the last few days then it was in the first four weeks. I feel, as with quitting weed, I am nearing another huge milestone in my growth and evolution as a man of God. One of the many priests I talk to told me to be prepared to have everything thrown at me by the devil as I grew closer to God and it seems that is what is happening here.
I welcome the challenge.
I will grow from this.
God will keep His word to me and I will keep my word to Him.
Thank you Jesus and Mary for walking this path with me.
Thank you God for being You.

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