Last night, a friend shared the idea that we have two wolves inside us. Good and bad. When the bad wolf is starved it goes wild becoming ravenous. It will eat anything to satisfy it's hunger.
The longer I go without masturbating the more twisted the sexual images that pop in and out of my mind become. They do not necessarily arouse me. I sometimes find my own body to be something that I sexualize. I believe this is part of starving the beast in me.
Last night after the Courage meeting and dinner, I felt more comfortable and connected with the guys then I've felt up until now. This morning I woke to not feeling any strong sexual desires but as soon as I got in the shower I got as close to masturbating as I have in a long time. It didn't feel sexual at first, though my body reacted to being touched. I didn't feel lust. I just felt like it was what I do.
The closer I draw to the Lord the more intense these desires become.
I know, through Jesus, I can not only resist but overcome.