Tuesday, February 9, 2016

I Cannot Eat

This is a poem from The Magnificat Year of Mercy Companion by Rita A. Simmonds

Hunger For Mercy (1 Cor.15:10)
There is Hysteria
behind my eyes
pressuring me
for release-
I refuse.
There is a mustard seed
of truth
in my heart.
I keep it enclosed
but I cannot stop
it's growth.
People walk by.
Some are quick
to read my face.
I will speak
no other way.
The streets of my days
are lined with food
I cannot eat.
My hunger strikes God's mercy.
It is my greatest strength.
-Rita A Simmonds

This speaks to me on many levels.
God's desire to give mercy. There are so many disordered desires in my life. "Food I cannot eat..." I don't want that food and I do at the same time. My hunger for what I know is not what I truly desire strikes God's mercy. "Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more" (Romans 5:20)
"There is hysteria behind these eyes pressuring me for release, I refuse." My disordered desires pressure me for release. I refuse, and then give in, and then refuse. It feels insane sometimes.
"There is a mustard seed of truth in my heart. I keep it enclosed but I cannot stop it's growth." Thanks be to God I can't stop the growth of God's love within me. I try to hold it back sometimes leading to misery. Giving in to the hysteria behind my eyes is how I unknowingly try to stop His growth within me. Nothing can stop Him. I've taken the seed into my garden. It is the seed of the great vine.
Lord help me to avoid anything that will inhibit Your growth within me. Feed me with Your mercy.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Should

Romans 14:20 "Do not destroy the work of God "
Let me not destroy Your work in me by pushing myself too hard; by filling my life with shoulds.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Victory

Walking with Jesus everyday is victory not just spending eternity with Him. The relationship is the victory.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Control

The desire for control and understanding hampers God's work in me. Help me to stay out of Your way Lord.
Psalm 106 "...they had no patience for his plan..."
Your time not mine Lord Jesus.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Transfigured

Wellspring of Worship "Christ was transfigured not by acquiring what he was not but by manifesting to his disciples what he in fact was; he opened their eyes and gave these blind men sight."
Open my eyes that I may see myself as I truly am.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Multiplied Gifts

Day 2
Mark 6:34-44 "...give them some food yourselves...How many loaves do you have...taking the five loaves and two fish...He said the blessing...they all ate and were satisfied..."
Jesus took what the Apostles had, multiplied it, and it satisfied the people. When I offer my little love, generosity, compassion, etc. to Jesus He multiplies it, makes it greater, and then has me distribute it to those in need. They are satisfied by Him through me.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

What the Father Asks

Day 1
"Doing well what the Father asks..."
Obedience is more valuable then understanding in the spiritual life. The path is unclear but the guide is
trustworthy.

 

Journal Challenge

I've been writing almost every day in a journal for a few years now. Much of what I post here is from it. When I first started writing my spiritual director asked me what I do with all I write and I told him that I write down what I am inspired to write and then put the notebook away. He told me that what I write is a gift from God. Communication between us. Something that I should be meditating on...pondering. I ignored him.
I've read many books over the same time period. Books written by people inspired by God. There writing's have helped me tremendously. But am at an impasse in my life, or at least what feels like one, in my journey with Jesus. I know that He has shared much with me over the last few years and I am finally going to take time to listen and talk with Him.
Over the next month I will be rereading all I have written over the past year. Looking back to look forward. My intention is to share a small portion of what I find each day in a post on this blog. Some will be one line some will be longer. Whatever He speaks to me through each day I will share. I will not share what it means to me necessarily but just what spoke to me and I'm hopeful He will speak to you through what I share.
Hope to see you tomorrow.
brother G