Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sexually Ravenous

Journal post from September 2, 2013
Last night, a friend shared the idea that we have two wolves inside us. Good and bad. When the bad wolf is starved it goes wild becoming ravenous. It will eat anything to satisfy it's hunger. 
The longer I go without masturbating the more twisted the sexual images that pop in and out of my mind become. They do not necessarily arouse me. I sometimes find my own body to be something that I sexualize. I believe this is part of starving the beast in me.
Last night after the Courage meeting and dinner, I felt more comfortable and connected with the guys then I've felt up until now. This morning I woke to not feeling any strong sexual desires but as soon as I got in the shower I got as close to masturbating as I have in a long time. It didn't feel sexual at first, though my body reacted to being touched. I didn't feel lust. I just felt like it was what I do. 
The closer I draw to the Lord the more intense these desires become. 
I know, through Jesus, I can not only resist but overcome. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Inconvenient Obedience

Inspired while meditating on The Nativity from the Joyful Mysteries of The Holy Rosary. "Joseph and Mary go to Bethlehem to comply with the decree of Caesar..the hour for Mary to give birth is near." Mary and Joseph comply though at this point in Mary's pregnancy it is not convenient. They could have said 'We're about to have a baby, we're not going anywhere!'. Had they reacted to the decree this way Gods' will for Jesus to be born in Bethlehem would not have been fulfilled.
I don't always feel like doing what needs to be done or is required of me but if I don't some part of God's plan may not be fulfilled. Blessings can be found in the inconvenience of life.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Inspired while meditating on the The Nativity from the Joyful Mysteries of The Holy Rosary. "The shepherds came to the stable to pay homage...The Magi came to adore Him and offer Him gifts." Both the shepherds and the Magi come bearing gifts for the Lord. The simple shepherds offer him the gifts of their praise, respect and honor. The Magi did these things but also offered material gifts as well as worship. Both groups brought what they had to offer according to what God had blessed them with.
I have my gifts to offer the Lord and others have their own. Jesus doesn't compare what I have to offer Him to what anyone else does. He looks at what we offer Him relative to what He has given us. If I offer $10 and I am a millionaire that will be frowned upon. If I have nothing but give Him my time and love that will be sufficient for Him.
Lord help me to offer back to you all the wonderful gifts you've given me.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

EVERY Opportunity

Inspired by the meditation from The Magnificat Year of Faith Companion for August 31. "It is only when I am quite convinced that I have received a special mission from God, that every event offers me the opportunity of fulfilling it."
Every event. Not just the good but the good and bad are all a part of God's plan.
Help me to remember that each decision throughout the day impacts the plan and mission you have for my life Lord. Also to remember that my entire life is the mission not just specific days and events in my life.
Please give me your grace to do what is right not what is easy.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Go Easy

"Go easy on those you are helping, and be hard on yourself."-24 Hours a Day

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Personal Recognition

Inspired by the meditation from 24 Hours a Day from August 31. "And seek no personal recognition for what you are used by God to accomplish." I participate in God's plan by yielding to His will and allowing Him to use me. I try to be mindful of my words and tone. Try to keep encouragement and love in my heart. The rest is Jesus working through me.
I'm helping someone end their addiction to marijuana by encouraging them through chats on Skype. They told me my words warmed them on the inside. This made me uncomfortable knowing that it is God warming his soul not me. I emailed Him a few minutes after we ended our chat to make sure this was clear.
Grateful that, in this instance, my ego was in check. Thank you Jesus.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Wicked Wastefulness

Matthew 25:14-30 The man going on a journey gave each of his servants money "each according to his ability". Two of them went out and used the money to make more money. One buried it. The traveler came back and rewarded the two who made good use of the money. The man who "buried your talent" was rebuked and punished. 
God gives us all gifts that He expects us to use to create a bounty for Him. For His kingdom. If we do this we will be rewarded with more talents and responsibilities  If we bury our gifts; if we keep them to ourselves, what we have will be taken away and God will see us as wicked and lazy.
The gifts I've been given are to be offered back to God with a return on His investment in me.