Monday, April 14, 2014

Delivered From SSA

If I were ever to be delivered from my same sex attraction I would still have a sex problem. Deliverance from SSA would not stop me, necessarily, from objectifying and using people for my own pleasure.
God has delivered some people from SSA. Others he allows to carry the cross for a lifetime. For those of us carrying it I hope i can be an example  of someone living with the burden of denying myself and still living a happy fulfilled life.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Why Has This Happened?

Judges 6:11-24 "...if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?" When God doesn't do what I expect Him to do when I expect Him to do it I sometimes give in to despair. I am learning, through my studies and experiences, that God is always with me. I know He allows the rough spots in my life for reasons that I may not understand until after my time here.
"Go with the strength you have and save Israel...Please my Lord how can I save Israel?...I shall be with you" God will make Himself known to those of us who feel least able to do what He is calling us to do but trust in Him at the same time. God lets Gideon know that it is through His strength that he will "save Israel" from the Midianites. We are often strengthened through the trials and struggles God graciously allows in our lives.
I can do many things that seem impossible with the strength that God gives me. Gideon had to choose to trust God would strengthen him for his mission as do I on a daily basis. It's God's strength graced to me that makes all things possible.
Help me to be more open to receiving your grace Lord Jesus.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Small Things

Inspired by the meditation for August 19 from 24 Hours a Day. " must surrender to His will in the small as well as the big thins of life."
It's not enough to just focus on the big opportunities we have to live as Christ would. It's in the small, seemingly insignificant, opportunities that we grow strong enough to make the larger surrenders necessary to live the lives of saints that we are called to live.
Help me to be aware of the small opportunities Lord Jesus.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Do It Anyway

This is a post from my journal on August 19, 2013.
I got through this entire week with no strong desire to masturbate thanks be to God.  This morning I woke feeling unsettled. Sexual fantasies were dominating my mind. I know it's important to resist the earliest inclinations to sin. I got in and out of the shower quickly though I wanted to linger. As I prayed in my bedroom after showering I felt discouraged but I prayed and read the Bible anyways. The sexual thoughts continued and I continued to reject them. As I knelt to pray before morning Mass I realized that by the grace of God I'd made all the right decisions this morning. I said yes to all the good. The importance of the discipline of saying yes to good is very apparent.
Tonight when I got home I didn't feel like exercising but I did anyways. I didn't feel like praying The Liturgy of the Hours but I did. More right choices.
The right choices being chosen on a daily, hourly  moment by moment basis is what is necessary for change. No magic bullet. A disciplined life is the answer.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014


Psalm 106 "They did not exterminate the people as the Lord had commanded them but they mingled with the nations and learned their works..." If I do not rid myself of temptations, as much as possible, I will "mingle" with them. My mind will become more warped by their influence.I will learn their works rather then God's works.
"they served their idols which became a snare for them" Giving into the smallest temptation,"serving their idol", draws me deeper into sin. My sins become more serious. More depraved each time I give in.
"they sacrificed their sons and daughters to demons  They became defiled by their works and wanton in their crimes" The more they chose sin, idols, over God the more depraved they became.
"And the Lord grew angry...Many times did He rescue them..." God gets angry but still loved his people and rescued the,.
I pray He will continue to do the same for this lowly sinner.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Death Defeated

Meditating on The Sorrowful Mysteries of The Rosary, The Crucifixion "It is finished" He ended death. Such a simple statement. So powerful. He took away death for those of us who choose to accept His sacrifice for us. He created a beginning where there was an end. All because he loves us and wants to be with us forever.
Thank you so much Lord Jesus.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Addiction Cross

Meditating on The Sorrowful Mysteries of The Rosary, The Crucifixion "The hands and feet of Jesus are nailed to the cross in the presence of his afflicted mother." I can't imagine how painful it must be for mothers and fathers to watch their children nail themselves to the cross of addiction by their own choices.
Help us addicts ponder this Lord Jesus.