Wednesday, August 31, 2016

So Much Suffering

I have a friend who is a Benedictine monk. When I first met him we were talking and he said to me "there is so much suffering in the world". I agreed but it was just an agreement based on an intellectual understanding of the suffering of others. He was speaking from a place of feeling the suffering of others.
I numbed myself for much of my life. I didn't know why I was doing this for many years and am still not saying I completely understand it but my understanding has grown as our Lord has chipped away at the shell of indifference and selfishness.
People are becoming hopeless. We fear that nothing is ever going to change. We see the two people we have to choose from in this years presidential election and we despair for our future and the future of our country. We look at the corruption and heresy in the Church and we are scared for our future and the future of Christ's Church. We are overwhelmed by work. Seems that we never catch up. More and more is piled on us. We look at the suffering in our families. Cancer, AIDS, Lyme disease, drug addiction, divorce, depression and we fear loss. The loss of connection to those we love. The loss of them from our lives. We fear they will die. We fear death. We fear loss of love and connection.
As my shell falls away I feel the suffering of others. I feel my friends suffering who despairs over the state of the world. I feel his despair. I experience his pain. I feel my loved ones burden of responsibility. I feel my drug addicted friends hopelessness. I feel my coworkers anger and frustration over problems that never seem to get resolved. I feel it...and I weep. I understand why I numbed myself, and still sometimes do. To suffer with others is VERY difficult.
Jesus suffered for us and suffers with us. He asks us to do the same for those we encounter though He does not ask us to do it alone. He offers to help carry the weight. When we give our and our loved ones worries, struggles, fears, anxieties, sadness and despair over to Him the sadness is dispelled. His light penetrates the darkness.
"Will you sacrifice yourself?" Will I give up my life of comfort to help lessen the burdens of others? Will I suffer willingly rather then retreat into the tomb of my selfishness where I die a slow, seemingly painless, death in my isolation? Will I die with others or by myself? I choose to die with others.
Help to make this choice throughout each day. To die to myself by being willing to die with and for others. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen.

Monday, June 20, 2016

I Want to be a Real Man

Jesus Christ is the perfect man. He lived an authentically masculine life. He was tender, compassionate disciplined and loving. He did not fight. He did not put people down. He did not dominate people. He did not force people. He can teach me how to be the tenderhearted man He created me to be. He can lead me into authentic masculinity. Actually He will not lead me He will transform me. It is His work in me that will make this change.
The world has misled us. It says "real men" are thugs and real women are "whores". What we have been led to believe is authentic masculinity and femininity is a fraud.
The more we try to be the men and women the world tells us we should be the unhappier we become. The more medication we need. The more therapy we need. The more distractions we need. The harder we become the harder the world becomes. We must be what we want the world to be. I want the world to be more like Jesus.
Jesus is selfless, self sacrificing, giving, merciful, compassionate, and willing to suffer for others. These are traits of authentic masculinity. The world tells us it's all about us . Such a lie! Upsets me to think of what this lie has done to me and to other men. What will lead us to true happiness we are discouraged from. What leads to misery is laid out in front of us as the ultimate expression of being a man.
Save us Jesus from this distortion.

Sunday, June 19, 2016


I am a tenderhearted compassionate man who was not taught how to live as a tenderhearted man so I hardened myself. I kept everyone who could hurt me at arms length. That's the whole world. Everyone might hurt me. So I put on my armor. And I've lived in pain for so long. I don't want this anymore. 
Lord, have your way in me. Make me the man You created. I want to be real G not the G I present so people won't hurt me. Help me to be vulnerable. Help me to lower my guard and allow all the love around me in. I know this is what You want for me so I know it will be. Thank you for opening my spiritual eyes and ears to the truth. Love is scary to me. Anger is comfortable. This is not what Jesus wants for me. 
Transform my heart. I give you permission to do whatever You have to do Lord. 
I love You Lord.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Prayer For Gay Pride Month

Wanted to share this prayer that came to me during Adoration the other day. 

Transform our hearts Lord that we may be bright lights to our brothers and sisters who dwell in the darkness of the SSA lifestyle. Open the spiritual eyes and ears of all Catholics participating in celebrating the distortion of human sexuality that SSA is during the month of June. Give us all a deep desire for holiness and the spiritual courage to live Christ's truth and stand up for it when called to.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us,
St. Michael the Archangel defend us in our battles,
Guardian angels protect us from ourselves and from our enemy,
Virgin Most Powerful pray for us,
St. Charles Lawanga and companions pray for us,
Cardinal Cook, Fr. Harvey, and Fr. Groschel pray for us.
I ask this all in Jesus holy name, Amen.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Prayer For the Dead in Orlando

Lord I come to you in prayer for our brothers and sisters who died last night in that night club in Florida. I pray for the repose of their souls. Comfort the family members of those who have died. Heal the injured. Help all who are living in the darkness of this lifestyle turn back to You. Drive hate out of all of our hearts. Fill us with Your Love. I ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Jesus You Take Over

Wonderful prayer of surrender sent to my by my sister in Christ Anna.
Jesus, You take over!
A prayer of the Servant of God, Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo
Jesus to the soul: Why are you upset and agitated? Leave your cares to Me and all will be fine. I tell you honestly, every act of true and blind reliance on Me, results in what you desire and will resolve all your difficulties. Abandonment in Me does not mean being frustrated, becoming anxious and desperate, offering Me your anxious prayer, that I may follow you and have your anxiety be a prayer. Abandonment means to shut the eyes of your soul in peace, moving your thoughts away from your troubles, and instead of thinking about your worries and pain, let Me take over your troubles. Simply say: Jesus, You take over. To be worried, restless, and to think of the consequences of an event is the opposite of reliance, it is really contrary to it. It is like a child, who wants his mom to take care his needs, but in the way he wants: and with his whims and childish ideas he hampers her work. Shut your eyes and go with the flow of My grace. Do not ponder over your present moment and put away thoughts of your future as a temptation; rest in Me, believe in My goodness and I swear on My Love, that if you think like this: Jesus, You take over, I indeed will do it for you, I will comfort you, free you, and guide you. If I have to take you in a different direction from the one you are looking at, I will train you, I pick you up in my arms, and you will find yourself, like a baby sleeping in his mother’s arms, on the other shore. What gives you immense stress and hurts you, is your reasoning over it, your thoughts and the pains it gives you; it is wanting at all costs to take care by yourself of what is afflicting you. How many things I can do, be it a material or a spiritual need, when the soul turns to Me, looks at Me and says to Me: Jesus, You take over, and close its eyes and rests in Me! You do not receive many graces because you insist on getting them by yourself; but instead you will receive numberless graces, when your prayer is in full reliance on Me. When you are in pain, and you pray that I may act, you want Me to act as you believe I should... you do not turn to Me; instead you want Me to submit to your ideas; you are like a sick person who does not ask the doctor for the cure, but tells him what the cure is to be. Don’t be like this, but pray as I taught you in the Our Father: Hallowed be your name, which means, may You be glorified in this need of mine; Your kingdom come, which means, everything may work toward Your Kingdom in us and in the world; Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, which means, You direct it as it seems best to You for the good of our eternal and temporal life. When you truly tell me: Your will be done, which is the same then to say: Jesus, You take over, then I do intervene with all My omnipotence, and I will resolve every situation, even if there is no way out. For example, do you see your sickness becoming worse instead of improving? Don’t become anxious, close your eyes and tell Me with trust: Your will be done, Jesus, You take over. I repeat it, I do take care, I intervene like a doctor, and even do a miracle if it is necessary. Does a patient become worse? Don’t be frightened, close your eyes and say: Jesus, You take over. I tell you again: I will indeed do it for you, and there is no medicine more powerful than my loving intervention. I take over only when you close your eyes. You never sleep, you want to appraise everything, to think, to delve into everything; you choose to rely on human power, or, worse, on men, trusting their intervention. This is what hampers My words and My will. Oh how much I long for this reliance in order to assist you, and how much I grieve to see your anxiety. Satan does just this: he gives you anxiety to remove Me from you and throw you into human initiative. Trust only in Me instead, rest in Me, rely on Me in everything. I do miracles in proportion to your complete reliance on Me, with no thought of yourself. I spread treasures of graces when you are in the most squalid poverty. If you have your own resources, even a few, or if you seek them, you are at the natural level, thus you follow the natural way of things, which often are dominated by Satan. Never a thinker or a philosopher has done any miracle, not even among the Saints; only he who relies on God does divine work. When you see that things become complicated, say with your eyes closed: Jesus, I abandon myself to You; Jesus, You take over, and stop worrying about it, because your mind is 3 sharp and for you it is difficult to distinguish evil; but trust in Me, and let your mind wander away from your thoughts. Do this for all your needs; all of you, do this, and you shall see great things, endless and silent miracles. I swear it on My Love. I shall indeed take over, you can be sure of it. Pray always with this loving confidence and you shall have great peace and great fruits, even when I choose for you the grace of immolating yourself for reparation and the love that entails suffering. Do you believe it is impossible? Shut your eyes and say with all your soul: Jesus, You take over. Don’t be afraid, I indeed will take care of you, and you shall bless My Name, in humility. A thousand prayers do not equal only one act of abandonment; don’t ever forget it. There is no better novena than this: Oh Jesus I abandon myself to You, Jesus, You take over.

The Rosary of Abandonment
God come to my assistance Lord make haste to help me.
Glory be.
Our Father.
Hail Mary.
1st Decade: Jesus, You take over! (10 times on the beads of the Hail Mary). Glory be.
2nd Decade: Mother Mary, guide me. (10 times on the beads of the Hail Mary). Glory be.
3rd Decade: Jesus you take over! (10 times on the beads of the Hail Mary). Glory be.
4th Decade: Mother Mary, guide me. (10 times on the beads of the Hail Mary). Glory be.
5th Decade: Jesus, you take over! (10 times on the beads of the Hail Mary ). Glory be.
In conclusion: Hail Holy Queen
Information on: Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo (1882-1970)

Jesus, You take over (Gesù pensaci tu) And The Rosary of Abandonment
A Prayer of Fr. Dolindo Ruotolo
Imprimatur + Vincenzo Pelvi Auxiliary Bishop of Naples,Italy July 25, 2006
Translated from: “Non voglio agitarmi, Gesù Pensaci Tu”
Marian House Publication “Apostolato Stampa” Vico Strettola St. Teresa dehli Scalzi, 4 Napoli, 80135 Italia
Edited by Giovanna Ellis casapater @
Fr. Raymond Steffes OSC Onamia, MN 56359-0500
Fr.Christopher Rengers OFM Capp Pittsburgh, PA 15201

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

I Cannot Eat

This is a poem from The Magnificat Year of Mercy Companion by Rita A. Simmonds

Hunger For Mercy (1 Cor.15:10)
There is Hysteria
behind my eyes
pressuring me
for release-
I refuse.
There is a mustard seed
of truth
in my heart.
I keep it enclosed
but I cannot stop
it's growth.
People walk by.
Some are quick
to read my face.
I will speak
no other way.
The streets of my days
are lined with food
I cannot eat.
My hunger strikes God's mercy.
It is my greatest strength.
-Rita A Simmonds

This speaks to me on many levels.
God's desire to give mercy. There are so many disordered desires in my life. "Food I cannot eat..." I don't want that food and I do at the same time. My hunger for what I know is not what I truly desire strikes God's mercy. "Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more" (Romans 5:20)
"There is hysteria behind these eyes pressuring me for release, I refuse." My disordered desires pressure me for release. I refuse, and then give in, and then refuse. It feels insane sometimes.
"There is a mustard seed of truth in my heart. I keep it enclosed but I cannot stop it's growth." Thanks be to God I can't stop the growth of God's love within me. I try to hold it back sometimes leading to misery. Giving in to the hysteria behind my eyes is how I unknowingly try to stop His growth within me. Nothing can stop Him. I've taken the seed into my garden. It is the seed of the great vine.
Lord help me to avoid anything that will inhibit Your growth within me. Feed me with Your mercy.